Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Two 1/2 years later and prayers are answered..... the most amazing thing happened! Most of you that know me, know that I made a special connection with a little girl in Romania when I lived there. After a year of working with her, just about daily and falling in love with her I showed up to the orphanage to find out she was gone. I cried for months. I hoped and wished every day I was in Romania she would come back. Even after I got back to the states she was constantly on my heart. I have pictures of her up in my room and in a locket I wear from time to time. Over the last several years my heart still ached for her, I would think of her, pray for her and dream about her. This last winter I had an intense dream about her that stirred me up and I could not shake the feeling for days to keep praying for her. I had resolved after so long that I would never see her again this side of heaven. She has never left my heart and I still thought of her often, but I had come to the conclusion I just would never know. I would have to trust that God was watching over her. 

Then a little over a week ago I got an e-mail from my teaching partner I worked with when I was in Romania, Lenuta she is studying in London working on her Masters. The e-mail subject was surprise and the message said, check out the picture below and tell me what you think? I scrolled down to a picture of several children. As I looked my mouth dropped open and I starred for the longest time in disbelief..... There she was, my little Ana, that little girl who capture my heart over 2 1/2 years ago. I could hardly contain myself, I frantically wrote back saying, that's my Ana, that's my Ana..... where is she? what do you know?!! I thought for sure it would be days before I heard back. The whole things seems so unbelievable. I found out the next day a friend in Romania had sent some random pictures to Lenuta about a new orphanage she was working at and Lenuta recognized Ana. Pictures went from Romania to London to me in the United States! I got a message and several pictures of Ana. Tears flooded down my face, I just kept starring at her smiling back at me. I was so comforted that she was safe and looking healthy. I found out in the winter she was found begging in the snow and the police took her to this orphanage (I believe this was about the time I had the intense dream about her). My prayers and inclinations to pray were not in vain. I found out she is doing well and she is getting help with her speech issues and she is happy and healthy and striving. I still am in awe of how good God is! What an amazing blessing to know she is safe and see her smiling. I never thought I would see that beautiful face again and by the grace of God I got to!


Tuesday, July 3, 2012

Processing Emotions

I think today is the first day I started processing any emotions, these last few days I have been so excited and just so focused on seeing the kids that I couldn't even acknowledge the craziness going on inside me. Seeing how much they have grown and how much I have missed them made my heart ache inside me. I didn't want to open up the wound that has been trying to heal these last 10 1/2 months I've been away. I have felt so torn by my passion for these kids and my calling to be back in the states. I feel like I am sitting in limbo, heart torn in two, afraid to move forward and afraid to go back. I wish I could explain it better than that.... I wish I could explain how half hearted I have felt about life recently. God planted this seed inside me and I watched it grow, felt the growing pains and enjoyed the fruits of love and relationship. And then with one swoop I felt cut from the branch laying beside the tree watching it grow without me. 

Today as I shared in conversations with the kids and reminisced about all we have shared I slowly felt that passion, that wound open up. And then like salt on that wound I discovered the stories of neglect, manipulation and emotional anguish inflicted by people in these kids lives who are suppose to care about them. Thank God though that although the realities of their lives pierced my heart there was joy in seeing the continuous chain of volunteers and staff that are here pouring out each day, loving these kids in the ways they deserved to be loved. I found comfort in my pain that even though I cannot be here daily, there are those who are, carrying on the legacy of love and sharing hope, spurring the kids on to better and brighter futures. 

I won't lie that it is hard to accept that someone else is loving on my kids, and I know that is selfish and ridiculous really to consider them mine, because they always were and always are going to be God's kids. I just struggle with what my part is now; how can I love these kids and still live my life back in the states? 

Thursday, June 28, 2012

Here Goes.....

So much has been going through my mind as I am preparing for this next adventure in Romania. Joy floods my heart as I think of seeing the kids I have missed so dearly this year. It has been a difficult 11 months, with ups and downs. And in the midst of it all, the only relationship that never fails me is the one I share with God. Even in my imperfection, making mistakes constantly, His love abounds. I can't explain it in words, I can only tell you regardless of my failures, I feel it in my bones, in my soul, He is there with me.
I do not necessarily believe I am an example to anyone, I am simply trying to live a life composed of faith, hope and love; and to share it with all those I come in contact with. I often fail, but I continue to try and rise after every fall with renewed faith and passion. With the receiving of grace I press on with the ultimate goal of love always in everything.
 I pray this adventure is no different!

I am excited to celebrate at all people who helped me get this far, and I was even blessed with extra to buy supplies..... check it out

The receipt..... wow!

Goodies for Summer Camps, the staff & in-coming teams!

The Supplies : 3 bags!

My stuff : 1 bag : )

----->>>> Keep an eye out for video blogs while I am in Romania! 
Thank you so much for your time, encouragement and support! 

With Love,

Saturday, June 23, 2012

5 days and I am Wow'd!

It is no question that I am meant to go to Romania this summer; God has provided abundantly and in excess! 

Tomorrow I get to begin the task of supply shopping for Romania. A large donation was made, giving me the ability to fulfill some needs of the kids, staff and teams in Romania. 

The last couple weeks have been a roller-coaster of events, stress and emotions.... but God has met me every step of the way.  I have been blessed with friends, encouragement and financial support. I am Wow'd by how abundantly and quickly God has provided. 

5 more days and it hardly feels real! I don't think it will hit me until Thursday morning when I am at the airport. 

Thanks everyone for your loving, caring, passionate support! 

----->>>> Keep an eye out for my video blogs when I am in Romania! 

Monday, June 4, 2012

In Awe!

I am beyond amazed and in Awe! I found out today I am only $329 dollars from my goal for Romania! I have been so blessed. I was so excited when I found out... I wasn't sure if I wanted to dance or cry! 

So many people have come along side me and supported me, and 3 months ago when I started fundraising I thought there was no way I could raise all this money is such a short period of time. And God surprised me as usual. In only 25 days I will see my kids and friends in Romania I love so much, and that brings tears of joy to my eyes. 

Thank you so much to all those who have supported me in so many ways. Thank you for helping me show these kids I love that I have not forgotten about them. Thank you for helping me keep a promise to see them again. For kids with so many broken promises in their lives I am so thankful I can keep my promises to them. I am so thankful I can show them they are important enough to come back.  

If I could only describe the emotional roller-coaster I have been on since my arrival home, if I could only describe the longing that has never left my heart to go back! God changed my life and my world when I went to Romania and I am excited (and a bit nervous) to see what He does this time. 

Thank you from the deepest parts of my heart for all of your support. I have felt so loved and so special that so many people care enough about me and these kids to give of themselves and their means to get me back. 

I dream about hugging the kids, talking with them and being with them in Romania! And tonight I go to sleep with the comfort I am really going, I am really going to see my kids again, and that brings me more joy than I could every describe!

Thursday, May 17, 2012

Half-Way There!

I can't believe that in 43 days I will hopefully be on a plane to Romania! Soon after that wrapping my arms around the precious children who captured my heart! It looks like I am about half way to my financial goal of getting there! Praise God! What a blessing it will be to show the kids that my love for them has not been forgotten, that they are important enough for me to come back. I don't want to be another broken promise or reflection of false love in their lives. I want them to see that love crosses all borders and boundaries; it transcends all space and time, from heaven to humanity.

As this time quickly approaches I am being bombarded my financial burdens, stress and life changes, and things feel impossible. Then I am reminded about all the ways I have been richly blessed and that God has never failed me. I don't expect everyone to understand this call and passion in my life. The only way I can explain it, it's like a gravitational pull in my heart that can't be denied. 

Thank you to all of those who have so graciously given, prayed and encouraged me! I am still in some need of help and if you feel compelled or able it would be a true blessing to me. And I promise to keep you updated every step of the way.

Awaiting in faith,