Have you ever just had a feeling inside you and you didn't know what to do with it? How to express it? How to heal it? That is what I feel and have been feeling for months. I kept thinking one day at a time, one day at a time, and now three months later and I still am taking it one day at a time. I disconnected from Romania for awhile.... I didn't know what else to do? Just thinking of the kids would bring me to tears. I feel like I don't know how to mesh my two worlds, how to allow my heart to feel for the kids in Romania and still live my life here in the states. I feel like there is a ball of frustration built up inside me and I don't know how to release it. It's weird being in a place I know I am suppose to be, yet feeling such a loss for where I was? Sometimes I feel like I am going through the motions, but lacking the passion or intention behind it. I haven't shared with many how much I am still struggling, but I thought being honest and allowing my emotions to be known might help.
I don't know how or why, but I feel like I am assuming the "fake it until you make it" method in my life. The truth is I am not sure what to do? I am not sure why I am still feeling so lost in my own life? It seems to me I am running on blind faith, I am walking forward without knowing where I am going? I am learning you can't replace one passion with another.
Everything in my life is going well, I have no room for complaints. God is providing my every need and abundantly, yet I still feel like I am missing something? I guess I knew leaving Romania would be hard and I would go through a time of depression and loss, I just didn't know it would be this hard.
I am not sure if anyone even reads this blog anymore, but if you do please pray that God would heal the hurts and show me how to be passionate about my life here and the kids in Romania.
