A sign of Hope

Do you ever have those moments where you just lose sight, you forget the hope you have? I had one of those moments this week. I was at the orphanage and it was my 1st time visiting since our summer camps had concluded. I was so excited to see the kids and then as I was sitting there talking with them and hanging out, one kid on each leg I thought about the summer and how amazing it was to see the kids outside the orphanage; having fun, laughing giggling and being treated like regular kids. Then as I sat there this feeling of sadness came over me..... yeah we took them out of the orphanage and gave them a good time, but now here there are back in this place that seems so hopeless. I left feeling a bit overwhelmed with this notion that I can love them, but I can never take them out of the orphanage.... and I felt so helpless and so small at that moment. And that thought has been on my mind the last couple of days. Then today a couple arrived with their grown daughter who was adopted from Romania when she was 4. Their daughter is beautiful, well adjusted and smart, funny and all around great. She graduated high school with honors and is entering her senior year of college. The parents shared part of their story and challenges they went through to adopt their daughter. Hearing their struggle and seeing their success gave me hope...... hope for our kids in the orphanage. Granted I can't provide families to come love our kids or adopt them, but I see what God's love and provision has done in this one girl's life & it reminds me of what God can do. I can see how even with all of her sufferings she is well adjusted and capable. She didn't even speak at 4 years old when she arrived in the states and now she is a college student and graduated school with honors... that to me is amazing. It was that glimpse of hope that I needed to see this week to be reminded that God is bigger than just me working in these kids lives... He's got bigger plans than I can even imagine.

Prayers from my diary.....

Dear God,

Thank you for this time right here, right now. This time here in Romania, this time being single and so focused on you is so precious. There are so many moments I am in awe of you God, I want to hold those moments and treasure them. We live in such a world focused on tomorrow, but God I want to be focused on the here and now. These days are so precious. I pray I would stop thinking about and worrying about my future. I want to be in the here and now with you God. I want to be still and know that you are God. Give me strength and wisdom to know when to focus on the here and now and when to make plans for my future.

Amen

Summer Highlights

Wow, 10 camps back to back, 6 straight weeks of summer ministry..... first a deep breathe and sigh of relief. Because I look kind of like this right now........

What an adventure this summer has been. I am just looking back and thinking about the special moments. Waking up with a little head sleeping on my shoulder, sharing a laugh, giggle and or hug with a special child; having my heart captured by a boy as tall as my hip. I think of how much these kids lives were changed this summer.

There were two teen girls I met the beginning of the summer, we shared our testimonies together, cried about broken hearts and hardships in our lives together, we bonded. Then after those wonderful four days of building a relationship and friendship they had to go back to their lives and I had to continue with other camps. Then during the last week of camps they came back for our short, mixed camps. And as I shared a devotional about what it meant to be friends one of them told me they had been praying everyday & not just praying but praying for me. They said that they had prayed since I had challenged them to before at the earlier camp. I saw their joy and smiles as they returned, and a joy that could only come from above. It was very hard saying goodbye to them the second time, but I also had a sense of peace that they left with the knowledge that they were not only and cared for, but had a heavenly Father to talk to and lean on in times of trouble.

I also reflect on one night as I share my personal testimony with the kids; a girl (17 years) old came up to me after and said that my testimony was similar to hers and wanted to share it with me and a few of the other girls on our team. Her story had two small similarities to mine, but was much more full of pain, suffering and abandonment. I felt so touched that she felt comfortable enough with me and trusted me enough to share all the pain of her history. What was also so encouraging was that she had big dreams.... a dream to be a zoologist (most of our kids don't have dreams & if they do they are very small, like being a cleaning lady). She also expressed the desire to make change around her, in the life of her brother and the others lives at her orphanage... it was a moving and encouraging conversation.

I think of the boys who seemed so hard hearted at camp sleeping on my shoulder in the car or reaching over to put an arm around me as we sand worship. I reflect back on the ways I felt the spirit move around, in and through me. There were so many kids that just needed to be loved on and held and I feel so blessed to have been those arms and feet. Whether it was holding a hand, kicking a ball, having a conversation or just giving a hug, I got to express love like these kids have never felt...... thank you God! Despite my emotional, physical and mental tiredness I know the impossible was possible this summer through the strength I received from above.... the strength that came in the form of team members from my church, letters from home with words of encouragement or a quick e-mail reminding me I was being prayed for. I am in awe and wonder of our Lord above.

My heart was stolen this week & I fell in love all over again.... yep, one of our precious children here in Romania captured my heart (again). This week at camp we had our youngest kids and they were so precious and adorable beyond words. My heart softened with every smile, kiss and cuddle time. Waking up in the tent with a little head on my shoulder and hand laid across my tummy was a highlight to many highlights with these little ones.

One little 5 year old boy really melted my heat with his little shy smile and deep chocolate brown eyes; when his little hand reached out for mine, when he waited for me to come over and sit with him or when he climbed on my lap, I felt so full of joy. Every time his brown eyes searched the room for me or he peered over to see if I was looking, I melted. I felt so loved and so important when he was near. Being here I can get so focused on serving these kids and God always surprises me, especially when He allows me to feel so loved. Saying goodbye today was really hard, even after all this time in Romania my heart still hurts and my tears still fall for these beautiful children.

It's amazing how God can use a giggle, a smile or a little hug to bring joy and comfort to a weary, tired and broken soul. When God asked me to come to Romania I had no idea the trails and emotional battles I would go through, but I also never knew such amazing love and comfort.

God surprises me everyday and just when I need it I look over my shoulder and there is a friend, a kind word or a little hand reaching out for mine. Every little hug or kiss on the cheek brings me warmth to my soul.

My body is tired and weary, but God is giving me strength and inspiration each new day. It is amazing that in serving these beautiful children I feel so served, the kids shower me with love and unconditional trust and it makes me feel so good to know they sense God's love through me and reflect it back.

I just finished my sixth camp and I have four more to go. Please pray for the hearts of the children who hear the truth, that they would accept that love that is freely given & feel the acceptance and comfort in the arms of their heavenly father. Through all the trials of life there is comfort and peace in knowing the love from above. Please pray that I would have the mental, emotional and physical strength to give my all at these last four camps. I am looking forward to a night in the tent with the kids, going on the slip and slide, playing at the park and having a big pool party.

Summer Camps 2010

I just finished three summer camps and wish I could describe in words all I have discovered, felt, thought and done over these last two weeks. The first two camps were specifically for teenage girls, our princess camp so to speak. We tried to instill any truths in the girl's hearts. We spent time nurturing their hearts, minds and souls. We were able to share with the girls how precious and beautiful their are in God's eyes. We spent one on one time with the girls in conversation and hugs. We also had a spa day to pamper the girls and let their inner beauty shine through their outer beauty. Not only was I able to share the love of Christ with these girls, I also felt the healing hands of God in my life healing the broken and bruised parts of my heart. The girl's camp was a time of healing, comfort and bonding through the freedom and knowledge of the truth.

We have now begun our younger kids camps. The first camp has a under the sea theme. We have a packed schedule of games and fun activities. My personal favorite has been out time at a big park we call “the complex”. It was so fun to see the kids running free, playing in the comfort that they are loved and cared for. Our time at the park felt like a family reunion with all the kids running around while we pushed them on the swing, play baseball with them, taught them how to fish, kicked the ball around together or just snuggled on the big blanket and rested. With each smile, each hug and each sound of laughter my heart overflowed with thankfulness to be used to show these precious, orphaned children they are loved & they are cared for, more than they could imagine!

I recently went to the Black Sea to visit our kids from the orphanage... it was a rainy, cloudy and cold day, but it didn't keep us from having a good time and even getting our feet wet! It was a wonderful time to be with the kids outside of the orphanage; they were able to take a week long vacation at the sea through state funding. And for me, a California girl it felt a lot like the beaches I miss so much back home and was comforting to dip my feet in the waves. The beach has always been a calming and comforting place for me and God brought this trip just when I needed it most.